Why Can’t You Say it When You’re Sober
Photo by Hitesh Choudhary from Pexels.
Why don’t you say it when you’re sober
Why are you so different when you’re not
Was I crazy or was I right to think you felt something for me
Not some type of love
But at least care?
You wanted to know what happened to me
You wanted to see me
But your messages grow dry and fit what we were supposed to be
what we are
I hear you talk about others
The way you are with them-
The way I thought you were just with me
Encased by the impenetrable walls of my unfounded envy
I tremble with fear
I fall with regret
there are few words to describe the weight of the hollowed feeling in my chest
like a bull staring in the lights of his last stadium
no closer companion then the shakes you get before a speech
I don't want to boost your ego
I don't want to hurt your feelings
I don't want to confuse you with the truth-
If you ever actually read this-
Not that i’ve ever known how you feel
But these words leak out of the depths of my heart like grief ridden tears
My heart filled with small daggers and bloody sap
Every time I breathe they move
Everytime you text I bleed
A hole dug into my gut
A well of anxiety
I lost nothing
But somehow it feels like I've lost everything
As we return to what you said we would be
Nothing more
Casual.
