We’ve Lost the Art of Yearning
Photo by Wolfgang Krzemien on Pexels.
Nobody yearns like they used to. The Notebook, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Pretty Woman, A Cinderella Story, 10 Things I Hate About You, You’ve Got Mail, are a few of the rom-coms that positively shaped a generation's perception of love and romance. People nowadays seem to believe that yearning is simply thinking about someone often, when in reality it is the acts you do for someone else that show whether or not you truly care.
From strangers online to my closest friends, everyone I have heard from seems to agree that nobody knows how to honestly communicate anymore. With strategies like rosters (having multiple people you are “talking to” or informally dating), “ignore their texts”, “wyll” “do you send?” and the all time banger “I’m like, in like with you,” why does it seem that in the modern day you have to act like you care less to be loved more?
The recent opposition towards serious romance likely stems from social media and online culture, where anything and everything can be uploaded. People didn’t used to be so afraid of saying things that could be deemed as “corny” because there wasn’t a way for it to be immortalized on the internet. Now anything you say or do, no matter the context, can be plastered on the internet and endlessly scrutinized. Furthermore, the consistent feelings of apathy and dejection around romance spring from a fear of both public scrutiny and misunderstanding the wants of other people.
Arguably, the drastic decline in quality rom-coms is responsible for this generation's confusion on how to show real affection. Before being released to the public, scripts were written, rewritten, directors made unique decisions during filming, actors added their own spins and the films were heavily reviewed. All of this ensured that the story being told would resonate with a large audience and met the standards of all individuals working on the project. Whereas now with the push of a button you can share your “unique” opinions on romance and how to treat other people. While this is oftentimes useful and a great tool, it also exposes audiences to potentially toxic or biased ideas, influenced by misogyny, education, classism, political beliefs and more. Rom-coms, like the aforementioned, provided a loose set of guidelines on how you show somebody you care; you don’t have to build a house for them, learn French for them, or hold a boom box over your head, but it shouldn’t seem like it takes such drastic effort to text somebody goodnight or buy them flowers. The bar is so low that people are now impressed by common manners, from holding the door to saying please and thank you. How come it’s so normalized for people to be avoidant and act like they don’t care in order to get someone's attention, and why do we act like it's embarrassing to show real emotions around our friends?
Romance was never supposed to be about making somebody worship the ground you walk on or a never ending chase; it was about genuine connection and personal conversations, the desire to become a “we” or to have someone to lean on. Why should you be embarrassed for being yourself or being up front instead of trying to be mysterious or "nonchalant"?
In recent media the protagonists are often shown pining for someone who genuinely does not care for them, or pretending not to in order to cater to some overly glorified trope where the girl is the “one exception.” You never needed extremes to impress somebody, just a little bit of consistent effort and truthful communication. The constant romanization of unhealthy relationships or chasing someone who is unavailable has lowered the bar for so many people, and the loss of rom-coms has left many without any role models to look up to, following whoever they see first on social media to taking horrid advice from morally bankrupt friends to heart. We need a revival of rom-coms, physical media, and real communication to bring back the authenticity and connection the online community claims to.
